Improving Intimacy: Talking & Tending to Erotic Touch

Improving Intimacy: Talking & Tending to Erotic Touch

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Whether you’re dating, in a new relationship, or are already in a committed partnership, physical intimacy probably plays a significant role in your romance. Unless you or your partner are asexual, intimate sexual touch is likely something you and your love interest engage in on a regular basis. With age, and over time, however, many of us neglect the physical sides of our romantic relationships. Erotic desire often waxes and wanes as a result of many complex factors, ranging from stress to hormonal changes.Remaining physically connected with your partner, however, is important. Sexual boredom is a choice; there are so many ways to tend to your partner’s sexual desires without even engaging in the act itself.Are you looking to deepen your connection with your love interest? Consider tending to the body’s many erogenous zones, and talking to your partner to discover more ways in which you can enrich and improve your sexual connection. 



Erogenous Zones: Less-Acknowledged Parts of The Body


In the heat of sexual passion, it’s easy to become focused on the pleasure centers below the waist. Many of us forget that touching other parts of the body can also lead to pleasurable sensations, particularly during arousal. Here are a few erogenous zones, far from the genitals, that are also worth tending to:- The Scalp: The scalp is packed with nerve endings, making it a particularly sensitive part of the body. While intimate, run your fingernails gently over your partner’s scalp. The regions around the ears and near the hairline at the nape of the neck are also worth focusing on. If your partner is interested, gently tugging the hair may also be a source of pleasure. 

- The Ears: The ears are a multi-faceted source of erotic pleasure. Kiss, nibble, or lick your partner’s earlobes to stimulate their sensory receptors. If your partner is turned on by the audible side of sex, whisper, talk dirty, or moan, especially when close to the ear itself.- The Neck: Though kissing the neck is nothing new, the neck deserves some extra attention. Run your fingers along the back of your partner’s neck, or kiss the front and sides of the neck down to the collarbones.- The Armpits & Inner Arms: Often neglected, the inner arms and armpits can actually be great sources of sensory pleasure. Sensitive and slightly ticklish, consider touching these areas gently with your fingertips or a feather. A light touch can be surprisingly arousing.- The Inner Wrists: Seemingly innocent, the inner wrists are actually a secret erogenous zone. Touching your partner’s inner wrist is a great way to let them know that you’re in the mood, even if you’re out in public. Simply caress your partner’s inner wrist gently with your fingertips while gazing into their eyes. You’re guaranteed to raise their pulse!- The Palms & Fingers: Forget just holding hands! Instead, tickle your partner’s palm with your fingertips. In private, kiss or suck one another’s fingers. Many forget how surprisingly sensitive the hands can be.

- The Sacrum (Lower Back): The nerves in the lower spine are connected to those in the pelvis. For this reason, touching or kissing the sacrum can quickly become highly arousing. Kiss or lick your partner here, or consider other forms of sensory pleasure, such as tickling the area with a feather or an ice cube.- Behind the Knee: The back of the knee is a particularly sensitive part of the body. For some, it may be too ticklish to touch. For others, a little bit of gentle contact, whether with the fingers or the tongue, can be highly erotic.- The Soles of the Feet & Toes: The sole of the foot is a map of pressure points. When massaged just right, pressure in the feet can lead to increased blood flow in the body, enhancing arousal. Those who enjoy kissing or licking the feet may also derive pleasure from such contact.


Sexual Touch: Topics to Discuss with Your Partner


Despite what the movies might have us believe, passionate lovemaking rarely appears out of thin air. The couples who have the best connection in the bedroom are generally open about discussing their desires. Though talking about sex honestly can be challenging, when done right, it can transform your sex life for the better. Here are a few subjects worth discussing.General Touch: Ask your partner what kind of touch they like best. Do they prefer it when things are faster and more forceful, or slower and gentler? Is there anything you do that they would like more of? Conversely, is there anything that doesn’t feel as nice?Talk to one another about the body’s erogenous zones. Are there parts of your body that you’d like to have touched more often? What about your partner?Consider discussing the ways in which you’d like to communicate your desires more effectively in the future. Is a sit-down conversation best? Do you like it when your partner asks what you like while engaged in sexual touching, or do you find that it ruins the mood? Find a way that allows you both to optimally communicate your desires.Physical Affection: In many cases, individuals have different desires regarding physical intimacy. Some people, for instance, would prefer to sometimes engage in physical affection without the expectation that this contact will progress to erotic touch. How do you both feel about kissing, cuddling, and hand-holding? Is there a way in which you can both communicate when you’re desiring sex, versus when you’re craving nonsexual intimacy? One partner may feel that it’s a struggle to transform affection into erotic attention. Though both parties may desire sex, both will wind up disappointed if no one makes the first move, or if both feel unclear on whether intimacy is meant to stay nonsexual or progress towards something sexual. Are there ways, verbal or nonverbal, in which you can both indicate how you’d like things to proceed? Talk it through. 


Sexual Touch: Though you might enjoy everything your partner does in the bedroom, there are likely forms of touch that you like better than others. Don’t be embarrassed -- discuss things! What parts of the genitals do you most prefer being touched? Do either of you struggle to communicate your needs in the bedroom? Ask female partners if they need more internal or external stimulation. Is the current tempo comfortable? Ask male partners if they have any preferences in how they are touched. Is the current speed and form of touch comfortable? Are you both engaging in oral sex? If so, do you enjoy that form of contact? Are either of you interested in changing the way things are done in the bedroom? Would you prefer your physical contact to be gentler or rougher, or are you curious about a certain kink?


There’s no perfect questionnaire for discussing erotic touch and intimate desires. Instead of worrying about things, simply try having a casual evening in which you sip a glass of wine, talk things through, and explore these subjects, either verbally or physically, without any expectations surrounding sex and climax. Taking the time to talk things through now will improve your non-verbal communication in the future. 


Talking openly and honestly about sex can be difficult, especially with someone new. If you find it difficult to address certain subjects head-on, consider simply spending an evening with your partner, gently exploring one another’s erogenous zones. Experiment with different types of touch, and discover which parts of your bodies are most reactive.



Foto: ©YakobchukOlena/ 

Editor, 09.01.2020