For me no matter how good the pics are, how well you get on until I look a person in the eyes up close and personal l can't really say if that something extra is there.
There is something that l thing is undefinable which brings two people together after the physical attraction is established.
I do think that initially we all need to find something attractive about a person before we meet them, for some its a physical thing for others its not so important but on meeting it can and sadly often does go pear-shaped as the chemistry doesn't work.
But when it does all come together then happy days....
Ginny, you really touched on some good points. A lot of what you've written applies to my own 'journey' of living single and my time trying to adjust to an entirely different lifestyle. I just want to highlight a few things you said, and elaborate just a bit for my own comparison as to how we all deal differently with essentially the same experience.



ginny8 wrote: we all need that connection...even though it is scary for a lot of us...feeling vulnerable is so hard to overcome

The Connection: This was the most surreal aspect I think I have ever experienced in my lifetime. We were together almost every hour of the day for 15 years, talked constantly, and basically did everything together. It's hard for me as I write this to remember a time when we weren't within earshot away from one another.

And in one night my entire world had completely changed. I was totally alone.

As the days slowly slid by, I started to notice how quiet my world became. Not only in the house, but everywhere I went. Working from home for over a decade, I had lost track of almost everyone I knew. With the exception of my children being in my home, my whole existence became silent. I started noticing the sound of the wind blowing through the trees, the sound of every car that drove by, neighbors talking to one another outside their houses. The sound of the cats and dogs in the neighborhood, and so on. And as more days went by, nothing changed. It was an extremely surreal environment that I found myself in, and I had no idea how to deal with it.

I realized that I was completely lost.



ginny8 wrote: as we get older the loneliness comes

Lonliness: This is something I struggle with. I have been lonely without a doubt, but no matter what I do, or how heavy my heart is, I don't think I will ever be the type to pursue someone and make the first move, so to speak. I just don't have it in me. I'm not necessarily shy, I'm just in no way forward. And those that have spent time with me in chat understand that by now.



ginny8 wrote: this must be it for me...so we do a lot of things alone

Acceptance: Probably the toughest aspect I deal with on a daily basis. Almost 4 years, and I still haven't accepted living the rest of my life alone. I feel like I have so much more to share, so much more life inside of me, and after that all has happened, I'm not afraid to love the right person. Which really brings me all the way back to the point of this entire thread. I don't know her name yet, I don't know what she looks like, but I know who she is in my heart and my mind.

So where are you on this big earth?
walkerblue wrote: wow Jay, you Chris, Sylvia,Pearl and Ginny have really covered it from an intellectual view. You all have shown great insight and understanding of where your going ,what brought you to this point, and what the future may bring you. Jay I have always envied your gift of expressing your feelings, and Chris its so good to see a good guy find a great lady that brings happiness to you both. Sylvia your my friend and if anyone deserves another shot to be happy you do, Pearl your new but you bring great insight and empathy in your comments and blogs. Ginny you bring a woman's perspective that's helpful to understand a complicated subject, As for me and I'm a pretty basic man there was no thinking, or logic ,or thoughtful evaluation involved. when i came here i met her, and her wit and intelligence just blew away any doubt or hesitation it was an emotional tide that swept us both away and thankfully it has worked .I guess not how you should go about it but it worked for us. I wish you all the very best..


Really happy for you, Glenn. You've found what I think most of us are looking for here. The best of luck to the both of you.
Hi All,
When my husband died after 40 years of a good strong marriage I was numb. Now 3 years later I am trying to sort through what I want to do with the rest of my life. I want to be fair to any new man in my life so it seems impossible not to compare someone to my husband. I have been reflecting on what I could offer someone and what I would like in return. It is good to hear male perspectives on searching for someone special. Women are so socialized to be critical of their looks that the they ignore the beauty within. So men keep looking beyond a woman's exterior. Meanwhile I will look for the twinkle in the eye and the spark that will nourish a new love.
Saska
Very well said, Saska. After about 3 years of being on my own, I really started missing the company of a woman. It wasn't a decision I made one day when I got out of bed, I'm sure it was that instinct we all have as human beings, and slowly over the last couple of years the wants and the thoughts have gradually put me where I am now.

And I agree with you. After being married to one person for so long, and when I really started to feel like I wanted someone in my life again, I found myself comparing them all to the woman I had been married to without even realizing it. And I have to laugh a bit, because I'm sure that's why I'm still single, lol.

With a lot of thought and patience, I think I may have come up with something that works for me:

forget what you know but never forget what you want.
At least you know what its like being with a woman.
I meet a lot, talk with them for awhile on family friends, what we like what we hate, then I would ask them if they weren't busy some time if they would like to go out for dinner and see a movie, right off I get told " No, we can only be friends". Sorry I wont be a friend that you women are a shame of being seen with.
All women deny they are judgmental.
I had to leave a 20 year marriage due to mental/financial abuse In order to show my children that life did not need to be like that. I thought it was the hardest thing i was ever going to do. then 2 years later i met a wonderful man that was a gentle giant. We have now been together for 11 years. 1 year after we were together he moved in about 6 mon to 1 year later he ended up with ED. 11 years later still the same as he decided he did not want pills to fix it. He has not touched me in 5 years now unless i say something as that is just cuddling to boot. I dont doesn't mean to bring any one down but my story did not have a happy ending. i now am trying to get the courage to end it but he is financially dependent on me as he has not credit due to trying to help me when times were tough 2 years ago and he went about it the wrong way. I dont believe he is a bad man just not a strong enough man for me.I do not believe he loves me and think he wont admit it because i will ask him to leave if he does.

he says to me that it is coming back slowly but he makes no attempt to embrace me. I know i am living a lie and now need to figure out how to end this. I know i am an enabler to me cause but i dont want to become a nasty person to end this.
cron