Hi Tamara. Thank you. I do like chocolate sometimes. Some people also told me that I had to hurry because at my age my chances of meeting a man is running out. I know the feeling of scared, scared to be alone... scared of everythings though. I also had a lot of questions with no answer....what will I do, what will happen to me, I do not want to be alone....and so more... There could be a lot of reason why he do not want to go in public with you....he could be he had something to hide, maybe he is not free, and the worst one is maybe he do not love you... I know it is hard to leave, so hard, and some people do not understand why people in this kind of situation do not go.... but I do understand why a person do not go...so many reasons. It is easy to say to someone "Hey, leave... but it is not always easy to do ..." I do also understand why you stay... Your words are not awful, you need help...that all.
tamara1 wrote: Hello Heidiandgoats,
Thank you for having taken the time to reply to my post.
Yes, it sounds like you and I should be living together... we certainly seem to be living quite a few similarities. :0)
I'm very sorry for what you're going through with the divorce in the US and a LDR in the UK. Long distance relationship of romantic nature must be incredibly hard and frustrating. Your UK guy sounds quite like mine...hot and cold, on and off. I personally think that life is too short for all this. I mean, why can't people just enjoy each other without all these games? It's really shocking to see adults behaving so poorly... even 5 year olds behave better these days.
As to your guy having mental & emotional issues... sadly, that seems to be a pattern with men in the UK , not to mention the selfishness and deviousness ( not all men, of course, but incredibly many ). I never understood why...don't think I'll ever understand, but it's very sad to watch and certainly awful to live with...it just drags everyone down and destroys us.
I don't know what to advise you, as I'm really no expert in LDRs, but I truly hope you find the best solution for you. Does he want to have a future with you, just like you do with him?
One thing I dare suggesting though... whatever you do, never ever move country because of a man, unless you are sure of his intentions and you're married to him. Be very careful with these LDRs...sure they work for some people but not for many...from what I observe, that type of relationship, more often than not, seem to bring nothing but heartache.
As to my guy... well, I don't know what to say really. He continues insisting that he isn't back with the ex wife, but on the other hand he shuts me off from his life ( on and off ) and never sleeps at home. The fact that he never took me out in two years nor eats with me really bothers me and it's very hard. It feels like I'm not worthy or something, although I'm quite attractive, look way younger than my years and do seem to still turn heads wherever I go ( so people keep telling me ). In addition, I am a very hard working person, have varied interests, help everybody. So I know I am a good , kind and caring person and don't deserve being treating like this...nobody does actually. It's just cruel, but this guy seems to enjoying playing cruel and mean mind games with me and then, when he seems me in tears he goes all nice...till the next time, that is.
The craziest thing, however, is that I love this guy to the point of putting him before myself and my own future. Sometimes I think I must have become totally delusional really and in utter confusion.
Hope you have a lovely day and please feel free to write to me...you're most welcome.
hi again tamara,
people have told me that i'm "self-harming" by trying to hang onto this LDR. it really is hurting me and i can see that, but like you, i just can't let go. we're hurting ourselves for sure by hanging onto these men, aren't we?
like you, i love this guy very much and i know he cares for me but he's so unpredictable. he would like to see me again and then again, it won't bother him too much if he doesn't. he even talked about us getting married but then he says he never will....it's enough to drive a person to the looney bin. when he wants to talk, i'm supposed to be there and when i want to talk, he may not want to. and as for visiting, well, he's got those mental problems and he just doesn't want to come to the US right now. he's just not in love with me like i am with him and he's not really able to, anyway.
and for me going back to visit, i've had problems with being able to enter england. i tried to come with him last december (after a holiday in spain) but was refused entry and had to return to spain and then to the US. that was a real shock to me and i still haven't gotten over it. i didn't have a return ticket and no set plans so immigration thought that i wanted to stay there illegally with him, which i had NO intention of doing. i applied for a visa and was also refused because i hadn't declared my "romantic relationship" on the application. i had said that we're friends, which to this guy , we really are and i have to accept it as that. we never even had any intimacy except for some kisses and hugs. but immigration is very strict and didn't believe what i was telling them. now i'm twice refused from entering the UK, although i sure hope to be able to return someday. it's a terrible mess i've gotten myself into because of this guy. and like you, i just can't quite let go. i'm hoping that time will give me courage to do that. i don't see any other way except to cut off communication with him and get my life in order so that i can visit the UK again. i just feel like a middle age nutter right now. i didn't ask to meet this guy when i was in england, but it just had to happen - just a couple of days before i had to return to the US, too.
good luck to the both of us in detaching from these harmful relationships we're in. it sounds like you really have a difficult one with the way you love him but he doesn't treat you right at all. love obsession is so hard to get over...i've been trying for months but keep in touch with the very person who i need to get over. you really need to get away from this guy, too. we love these guys and all they do is hurt us....they don't see what they'll be losing but there's nothing to be done about that.