PrincessWendyj wrote: Hi, I've just joined the site.
I have been interested in FLR for some time now, but all the information I can find is US based. I'd really like to be in an FLR with a nice man in Britain; I don't want a slave and I'm not really into BDSM, sissification etc., but I would like to be pampered, wined and dined, taken care of etc. by a guy who is happy to let me have the final say.
Are there any such guys on this site or are they all traditional macho men who need to bully and dominate women? Do members know of any sites specifically for FLR relationships (and I do mean relationships, not dominatrices looking for their next slave!)
I'm not in the least offended by what you've said and I wish you sincere luck in your search. However, as a Dominant woman (albeit, not a heterosexual one) I feel the need to comment on your last sentence.
My relationship is real. I have never been interested in having a "slave" or someone to bully. As a BDSM educator with several decades of both teaching and 24/7 real life experience, I have found that the majority of people I meet who also live The Life have very meaningful and grounded relationships that involve a commitment to communication, honesty, hard work and respect. As a matter of fact, of the relationships I am witness to, the BDSM oriented ones tend to have better communication and more openness than the non-BDSM variety because these concepts are an absolute and non-negotiable requirement for such commitments. Indeed, they are the foundation upon which BDSM is built.
There are people who misuse or mistake the intent of BDSM as well as those who throw words around as if they understood the meaning of same. There are people who like to stomp about declaring themselves to be Master This or Mistress That, wearing their kink on their sleeves (as if sexual exploration were the entirety of BDSM) without having engaged in the continual, unflinching and deeply humbling self-inventory it takes to be a Dominant person worthy of the trust of others. Unfortunately, these people reflect badly on The Life. There are such people in any and every group and sub-culture of humanity, I believe.
There is a vast difference between kink and BDSM. Everyone has a kink to them somewhere. Many people are ashamed of theirs, which is, in the scheme of things, really unnecessary and rather sad as it occurs naturally and without invitation. Exploring ones kink is not the same as the practice of BDSM. Those dominatrixes you know of who merely want a slave to toy with are exploring their own personal kink. Those of us who put love and thought and respect into every interaction we have with the people who trust us with their submission are living our lives, living The Life, and having very real relationships. I want to own a slave with the same passion that I want to be set on fire; in other words - not at all. I create relationships with submissives; people whose trust I have earned by being My most authentic self; by offering support, honesty, mentoring and friendship where it is asked for or needed; and by being as genuine as I can be - a thing one achieves by being accountable for every word and every action one generates. When a person who is being treated like a slave calls a Dom/me by the title of "Master" or "Mistress" it is because the Dominant has demanded that they do so as if it were his or her right. When a submissive person calls Me "Miss" it is because I have earned their trust and, thus, been accorded a privilege. I am called "Miss" because I demand nothing
Being Dominant is like being a lady. If you have to tell someone you are, then you aren't.