The Door…”

As the warmth and aroma of her coffee cup warmed her hands and tingled her senses, she sat there alone… at her lonely little coffee table, in her lonely little kitchen, in her lonely little home.

She stared at the door, unsure if she was hoping for someone to knock and enter; or if she wanted to just walk through that door and leave her loneliness behind; but this was “Home”. The kids had long since gone, and began their lives elsewhere. Her husband/lover/friend had also left her life years ago; and now she walked this world with no one by her side.

Nowadays, she got little sleep during her long nights in ever-so-quiet solitude. Her thoughts, feelings, and yearnings would not permit it; nor leave her in peace. A Thousand times she’d yelled at the kids to be quiet, quit running around, leave that alone; and now, she wished desperately for their rambunctious laughter and play.

Her heart pined for her husband and friend who gave her so many days, weeks, and years of laughter and yes… even pain. How she missed his playful and loving antics as he’d chased her out in the yard trying to wet her with the hose. How she cried over him as she sat vigil next to him in the hospital for so many days ! She burned in the night… her body screaming for his touch to calm her nerves, and quench her desire. Damn Him ! He just wasn’t supposed to leave her like this !

She sipped her coffee, and told herself she wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t allow what she saw as her future to begin like this; yet her tears began to form. She sobbed and shuddered with these sad memories, and the sight of the door in front of her. She knew it was all there, fun, laughter, and even love; just on the other side. All she had to do was open it and walk through; but No ! She sat there resignedly, and told herself that she wasn’t like that. She was too proper, too shy, and too old.

The Anger just wasn’t there yet. Her tears continued to dowse the fire within her soul. The day would come though. After the tears had dried, she’d put down her coffee cup, stand up ready to grab life by the throat with both hands and pull him to her. In her voice filled with Anger and Excitement, she’d shout “No More !” She’d reach out her hand, turn the knob, and with head held high, and swollen breast, walk through “The Door”.

///// Part II /////

She sipped the last few drops of her coffee, wiped the tears from her eyes, and rested her head in her hands trying to forget the last few minutes of thought and regret. With a courage born of a lifetime of hard work and self-sacrifice, she raised her head, took a deep breath, and shook her curly locks wildly in the morning air. The Sun had begun to peek over the hills and through the tops of the massive and beautiful Oaks out on her land.

She well knew what awaited her as it had for the years since her husband had passed away. Her little farm was becoming more than she could handle; and it still needed to be taken care of. Grass needed cutting, machines needed repair, fences needed mending and clearing.

She was aware of her advancing age, and its accompanying weaknesses; nevertheless, she reached-out her hand, opened the gate and charged towards her awaiting chores; but now… there was a “tingling” at the back of her mind. She was now also aware of her needs… Not necessarily sexually or physical; but emotional, supportive, spiritual. She knew she wanted and needed some help.

She went at her chores at a pace she knew she could handle… she’d done it so many times for so long. As she progressed, she noticed what she had accomplished and what yet needed doing. Winter and the drought of past years had reeked havoc with the farm. Machinery she could operate, but not repair stood idle in the barn. Massive Mesquites that outweighed her 200 or even 300 times more than her own weight lay leaning heavily on the barn roof, and on fences that could in no way support them. Her livestock roamed freely… not just throughout her property; but anywhere they desired, thereby exposing themselves to hunters and rustlers who still existed in this part of Texas. Buried pipes lay exposed due to the windblown earth that had covered and protected them until the winds bared them to the elements. Even her gardens had been overgrown by windblown weeds; the tending of which would require moving and lifting of many heavy bags of fertilizer and sod. Her mind reeled with the overwhelming tasks before her; but this time, pragmatic thought began to tear down those Walls of Protection she had mentally erected since her husband’s demise. Already either exhausted or demoralized, she returned to the confines of her kitchen.

TV reception was erratic and not dependable this far from the city. Her only contact with civilization was the infrequent visit to town for fuel and groceries, her visits to distant neighbors, and the internet. Not being an “Uber-User”, she experimented with the internet during her evenings and she tried to learn what was “Out there”. She found books to read, commercials for all things unnecessary, and beyond all belief, she found “Eons”… a place for folks “Over 50”; and she felt there may be something of interest here.

She saw all the individual groups to join; and she read many entries from various and sundry people all over the US and the World. She learned how to focus on her own area of Texas, and began to pay more and more attention to these before committing herself to join any particular group. She saw more and more ads of a nature she herself could actually use, and she formed a plan.

She made a couple of friends that happened to live nearby, and she saw an ad for someone looking for firewood. She made inquiries and extended an offer for barter… firewood for help, and a relationship was born ! She purposely and resolutely walked through “The Door”.

Years went by. The farm began to take-on a former elegance in its cleanliness and order; but it was a race against time. Her age and that of her helper, along with their combined physical abilities forced them to admit that they’d never catch-up; nor keep up with the farm’s needs. For Safety’s Sake, she’d have to move into town. Life on the farm was too dangerous for a woman on her own. It would be safer, cheaper, and easier… she should “Retire”; and she did. She maintained her introspective and reclusive lifestyle; but now she had found someone with whom to share her interests, and cares. She found Love.

She needed no parties, nor get-togethers. She desired no constant companion; but she did find someone to care for, and someone that cared for her. This was all she wanted… all she needed; and she found it all simply by walking through “The Door”.