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[Emma]

Would not it be a perfect world if there were no mind games? Boy meets girl or the other way around, exchange numbers, boy calls girl, they meet up and share a wonderful time & they live happily ever after...but unfortunately this is rarely the case.

From my personal experience the most favourite (and at the same time a very annoying ) game is the the so called 'phone' game.
You meet someone you like and he promises to call. You keep waiting and at the meantime you instictively know that the call will never materialze...

My other favourite one is when asked about their earlier relationships, they never answer in a straightforward manner. They try to avoid the questions if you ask about your own relationships like "where it is heading" and you are rest assured that you won"t get any simple and clear-cut answer. You just never know where you stand.

And last but not least there is the "silent treatment" game where silence is the symptom of a bigger war. They won't tell you 'was los ist' they just simply avoid you for days or keep speaking to you in simple 2 'syllabile' (sorry for spelling) sentences...

Any thoughts on this?

[Guest]

sorry to say that I tend to execute the same habit - and i am a female.
Maybe it 's just lack of interest (so I think) and you don`t want to get into long discussions about it. But I think there are as much reasons as people for executing "mind games".

I would say, try to give up on those - they will not change and don`t give up finding decent ones.

(This was just to make it roll here - unfortunately i have to leave for the job). But it`s my opinion anyways. (today).

[dancesonskis]

Icant stand mind games, being very direct and honest my self,, I just cant believe the experences I have had in the past couple of years, and that coming from Seniors as this site is supposed to be for. I guess they never change and sometimes we realize too late what is happening . Then I say run as fast as you can because this will be an ongoing problem. and who needs it at our age.

[Ken501]

As a not so young widower, new to anything like this, "is not the posting of things to others, on the internet, 'with the hope of making friends' part of a mind game.! As for me I was married for 57 years, being married at just 19.
If I had not moved away from my lifelong home town. I would not perhaps need to look for friends. I just want to meet, nice people. if one of them is a nice lady, and she gets to like me. then that is all to the good. I have one point to make to any person. I am not 77 years old.. I am 77 years and still young.
Have a nice day

Ken501. My photo may be on in a weeks time

[Guest]

[color=darkblue]I am new here so forgive this late entry. Here is my personal opinion into this realm of ‘games". No one I know likes this to happen to them… even me. I have come to desire and expect honesty… but from all my friends, male & female. The level of honesty depends on the closeness of the relationship. Think about it, can you deal with BRUTAL honesty? We often know the answer(s) without asking the question(s). The deeper your relationship, the more honesty you both should share (with each other). Be honest with yourself; you are a mature adult, been around the block a few times and need to trust in your intuitions.

A friend taught me long ago (and it took me quite a while to understand this) that "people cannot be what I need them to be… they must be themselves"

[mrducky]

I read with great interest the postings regarding "Mind Games". It is one of my great pet peeves. While I would like to believe that at this age, we are beyond that, apparently my belief is in error.

It would seem to me that, particularly in this manner of communication, that it's a quite unnecessary thing to do. While truth may be painful at times, it would seem to me that it would be far better to tell someone the way it is, as opposed to leading them on; isn't that much more painful (not to mention rude).
I agree with others that as soon as you perceive it to be occurring, you say goodbye and move on. Life is too short for this stuff (and much shorter for those of us in this bracket) and we haven't the time to waste on these people.
In my opinion, your strength of character is displayed by how you treat others.
If the "game" is being played, what other character flaws are behind the facade?

[IrishOday]

I love that attitude, "honesty & being"real", is by far the best policy. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I admire & respect honesty from others & making sure to keep "all the cards on the table". It makes everything so much simpler & easier. At any age I don't want to waste my time guessing where someone stands on important issues. There are always ways to come from my heart in a soft & loving manner as it's so unnecessary to hurt anyone's feelings.
It makes for a much more closer relationship, be it friendship or a significant other, to keep the heart open, loving, real & honest.
Cheryl

[Guest]

I met an individual who was the total opposite from what he was on the phone. On the phone, he was very nice, funny and had a great sense of humor. When I met him face-to-face, he was completely different. With that being said, I went onto another on-line dating Site that I belong to and wrote a blog, venting my frustrations in regard to "I will call you" or "I can't wait to see you again".

The following day, I received an email from a gentleman who indicated that he "felt my pain". He also said that men like that are the reason why so many women think men are pigs. He knew I was very hurt and too call him. So, I did. We had great telephone conversations. I felt like I knew this person for 20+ years. I was very comfortable talking to him and he seemed to believe in the same things I do. (Right from wrong.)

I met him on Friday night, after numerous telephpne conversations and emails. I let my guard down; meaning, I trusted him. I told him how I had been hurt before from men that make promises they don't keep. I also told him that I didn't ever want to be hurt like that again.

The following Friday I met him face-to-face. He was very pleasant and kind. He brought a gorgeous flower arrancement and a beautiful vase. I was very impressed! At the end of the evening, I walked him to his car. Kissed him goodnight He indicated that he would call me when he got home and give him about 45 minutes to drive from Vacaville to Sacramento.

[bmwlover]

I am assuming he DIDNT call...

I met an individual who was the total opposite from what he was on the phone. On the phone, he was very nice, funny and had a great sense of humor. When I met him face-to-face, he was completely different. With that being said, I went onto another on-line dating Site that I belong to and wrote a blog, venting my frustrations in regard to "I will call you" or "I can't wait to see you again".

The following day, I received an email from a gentleman who indicated that he "felt my pain". He also said that men like that are the reason why so many women think men are pigs. He knew I was very hurt and too call him. So, I did. We had great telephone conversations. I felt like I knew this person for 20+ years. I was very comfortable talking to him and he seemed to believe in the same things I do. (Right from wrong.)

I met him on Friday night, after numerous telephpne conversations and emails. I let my guard down; meaning, I trusted him. I told him how I had been hurt before from men that make promises they don't keep. I also told him that I didn't ever want to be hurt like that again.

The following Friday I met him face-to-face. He was very pleasant and kind. He brought a gorgeous flower arrancement and a beautiful vase. I was very impressed! At the end of the evening, I walked him to his car. Kissed him goodnight He indicated that he would call me when he got home and give him about 45 minutes to drive from Vacaville to Sacramento.

[spierce]

I have discovered that mind games are just calls for love. The ego thinks that if I just find the perfect person my life will be better,however,nothing ever gets better.lol I have found that I am the only one that can make me happy. I read that a true relationship contains no wanting,and tend to agree with that,because I can not make anyone complete. Mind games are just distractions the ego provides to keep the focus off what is happening,and has you comparing what is happening to an event from the past,which has nothing to do with what is happening right now,or worring about what may happen,of which never does.Compromise means that something has to be given up by someone,and does not allow the indivual to be true to themselves,this is where the no wanting comes in. The differences are what make the relationship,and is attraction to the other. Without judgement the ego can not exist,and love holds no grievances. I think that instead of compromise being the key to a successful relationship,that acceptance should be...

[DesertFlower]

I have thought a great deal about this subject.... we all say we detest mind games and believe me I have been subjected to a few great players... but, dosen,t every human out there play them at some time? Ask a certain question as a test of behavior? or behave a certain way to elicite a response in the other? Isn't the art of seduction a "mind game? Seems to me about 95% of sexual attraction is a game.I can deal with mind games... I have learned to detect them,, after all I'm a psych nurse.. LOL The most important thing to me is honesty.. If people would just be upfront in what they are looking for........


Hello... I'm looking for a date friday night.. prolly won't call you often because I also have dates everynighyt this week.....................

I need to vent about my ex... want to hear "how she dun me wrong?

See? I clean up real good for evenings out but as we get to know each other I generally never comb my hair or shower untill I really need it!!


Ahhhhhhhhh,,,,, honesty can be great!!

[Guest]

I think that with all the emphasis on beauty, money, climbing the ladder, excess and I believe, once again, entering the "me" generation, folks are being socialized to NOT be themselves and, as a result, they unintentionally start playing the mind games. I don't believe, for the most part, that people want to be deceptive or less forthcoming, but no-one wants to let their guard down, really be themselves, and be open to rejection . . . especially as we age.

However, the people I find most attractive and memorable are those who know how to saddle the fence with the game -- playing it with humor and light-heartedness -- but allowing their actions in the relationship or toward the other person to be the determining factor of the respect and desire for that relationship.

In other words, don't tell me -- SHOW ME.

[Graham1]

Maybe I'm in a minority here but I can't see the point of mind games if your wish is to make a new friend or a new partner.
I believe that a friendship and a partnership must be built on an honest foundation, especially when communicating with people online when you cant see their faces or interpret their body language.
If you make a friend or find a partner and find that what they tell you is not true, then that friendship or partnership is doomed before it starts, because there will be no trust.
I am new to online friendships but I have been in this club for 2 months and have made many good friends, mainly I believe because I have always been honest and said how I felt, as have my friends.

[leonoy]

For me I dont mind games.If its time to play then play,but if its time not to play dont play.I dont like people who give a wrong information about themselves.Please be honest and be truthful of what you say.We are here to say the truth but nothing but the truth.I came to this site hoping that I can find someone to be my friend or to be my partner, but I think its hard to find someone telling the truth nowadays.Im not here on this site that long yet,but I had a few experience.Now Im here in this forum ,now i can tell what i feel.Im comfortable saying what I say here cause thats what I am.Whatever the topic will be, I say what I feel and Im not faking.As my no.1 motto in my life is "dont do to others what you dont want others do unto you".

[Guest]

We are all here for one reason or another. Finds friends, commards, find a partner form a relationship, so should we play minds games. Eventually they all come out . Relationship are hard enough without playing games period. But we must remember that what one thinks is a mind game maybe that the person doesn't think it mind games. We all think differently and communication is always a good part of a friendship/relationship. But I have always lived by the honesty is the best policy rule and I am not willy to change for anyone ...I am willing to sacrifice lonelyness instead of accepting mind games.

northernpassion