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[Imaguy]

Wow I sure hope I can find a friend that can give me advice. Got married late. Have two young kids at home, 9and11, and need to find a better relationship with my wife or ??? Was out with another women last night in her hot tub. Nothing happened. It was wrong and I feel guilty. Feel like I'm a liar now. How do I get back on track.

[smilingeyes]

think "integrity". ..... seems to me if you play with fire you definitely are going to burn somebody; most likely your wife and kids (not to mention your self-respect).

[Graham1]

Nothing wrong with having friends of either sex and spernding time with them but if you feel guilty it implies that your intentions were not honourable. I assume that your wife does not know of this. If so it shows a lack of honesty so you should either be open and honest or stop this "friendship". I have female friends but my wife knows about them and knows they are just friends and nothing more. My conscience is clear.

[Denise.mp]

I would just add that being open with your wife is a way of respecting her right of making choices - after all what you are experiencing / experimenting affects her life directly.
If you chose to stand by your partner and share the risk that your relationship and family are facing, she may chose to move towards you in a different way. Or not. But at least the outcome will be a joint decision.

It may be important to point out that the tub episode seems to be just a symbol here, as getting back on track still makes sense to you. It will either remain as such or be the first of many.

Hope this helps and that both your wife and yourself come out of this stronger - it's a waste to live a cliché.

[onesnowflake]

As the wife of a man who had an affair and yet said he still loved me, I thought I should share my thoughts. I found out my husband was having an affair after something in his past came to light and he could not handle it. He had the affair two years and I put up with it cause I loved him and wanted the marriage to work but after two years I told him me or her. For two years he made me feel like he was trying and that the marriage would work and boom one month before our 25th wedding anny he decides he no longer wants to be married. He walked out and three months later was leaving with someone. He told my brother" that he still loved me and my brother said to him funny way of showing your love to my sister when you are living with someone and not divorced." It has shown me that honesty and trust can be broken and yet I was willing to trust him again and make the marriage work. He just gave up and did not want to try. if things are rough in marriage you need to do two things: 1. Talk about how you are feeling and listen. You can tell your spouse how you feel but you need to know that the spouse understands how you feel. Get them to repeat what you are telling them and see if they are understanding and then listen do not interrupt or talk out till they are finished what is being said and then repeat to them what you understand them to say and if they say no then listen again and really hear what is being said. Most times we have a tendancy to think of what we want to say while the other is talking to us and we do not listen clearly and hear what they want us to hear. Then 2: Go on a date night once a week or twice a month and talk and ask if there is anything in your relationship that needs to change or that they would like to see happening or is there anything they are upset with you for. Get everything out in the open and do not let it build up till the dam breaks and there is nothing that can repair it get it while the crack is small. If a couple is willing to work on a relationship and give 100% each to the marriage it can work. Hope I have added something to think about .
onesnowflake

[Guest]

Why don't you try inviting your wife in a hot tub! She is the one that you chose. Daily routines make intimacy so difficult. Make the effort; it might be worth while.[/b]

[oiseaurouge]

Wow I sure hope I can find a friend that can give me advice. Got married late. Have two young kids at home, 9and11, and need to find a better relationship with my wife or ??? Was out with another women last night in her hot tub. Nothing happened. It was wrong and I feel guilty. Feel like I'm a liar now. How do I get back on track.

Yeah I would say that if you preferred being in a hot tub with another woman than home with your wife then it is time to take a good look at why? You might want to think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed? If that would bother you, then time to look at all the things you do appreciate about your wife and let her know how important she is to you.

[trinket1959]

I have to say that if you got married late you should have spent your single time sitting in the hottub with other women. You have put on your big boy pants now and brought children into this world. You have a job to do now and that is to help them become the best possible people they can be. Put your energy into raising those little people and set your priorities and focus on the right path; they don't stay young forever so don't miss the wonderful gifts of their childhood. No matter what we do in life we share it with someone else so why not build it with one who loves you.

[joanna1]

When one is in love one always begins by deceiving oneself.
And one ends by deceiving others.